Reading

I have been reading quite a bit lately and figured it might be a good idea to write about some of what I've read over the past month or so.

I am currently reading Watership Down. This is one of Jerry's favorite books and he has been trying to get me to read it for ages. Of course, his convincing was hindered by the fact that he didn't own a copy and I never remembered to pick it up at the bookstore. This has been remedied. Actually, while my mother was visiting, we bought a ton of books. I've read three or so of them since she left. I'm currently a little more than halfway through this book and it's really really good. Far different from what I was expecting, and actually, anything I've ever read. I kind of like reading about books from the point of view of animals, it gives everything a much more novel perspective, and makes you think. Anyway, I realize this is an older book, but if you haven't read it, you should consider it.

The book that I finished last week was Castles by Julie Garwood. This is also an older book, actually, from back in 1993. I really like Garwood and thought I had read everything she'd put out, but somehow I missed this one. Mom and I picked it up while she was here. This is typical Garwood fare. There's a guy and a girl, thrown together through some (usually dangerous) circumstances, they fight falling in love, but eventually succumb, there's some plot going on to kill one or both of the main characters....or, in the case of this book, a couple different dangery type people or groups skulking about. Of course, the hero and heroine save the day and wind up married and happy. I realize that this doesn't make it sound like a good book, rather makes it sound like everything that she writes is the same, but that doesn't mean they aren't still good. Her historical books, of which this is one, all take place in the early 19th century England, and unlike a lot of authors, she doesn't get bogged down in the minutia of making sure that everything is accurate 'societally'. Where she shines is in her characterization, and if her plots are a bit repetitive, the unique and exciting people that she introduces make them seem fresh. Anyway, she's a good author, you should check her out.

The book I finished before that was Dogs and Goddesses by Jennifer Crusie and a couple other women authors who I can't recall and am being too lazy to look at the page I just linked. I find Crusie an interesting author, because unlike a lot of romance writers, she's genuinely funny. I haven't read a book of hers that hasn't at several points throughout caused me to laugh out loud. She's also very good at bringing her characters thoughts and voice to the forefront. This book was a bit absurd and kooky, with a fair bit of mysticism thrown in. I laughed a lot while reading it.

Before that, I read, The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. I don't think I can say that enough. This is Rothfuss's debut novel and I had heard and read a whole lot of fantastic reviews of it. All I can say is every one of them is correct and when people compare him to George RR Martin, Tolkein and Robert Jordan, they're absolutely right. It's a fantastic book and I was soooo sad to finish it and realize that the next one isn't out yet. And don't be concerned with the Martin and Jordan references, while he is writing a series, it is already planned out as a trilogy, and, if I'm not mistaken, all three books are already written. This isn't the type of author where we'll run into the problem of his series never ending or falling off after book 9, or making us wait years and years for the next installment. In any case, it's been a long while since I had read a book that I literally couldn't put down (Since the last Kushiel book, actually). So anyway, if you are a fantasy fan at all....GET THIS BOOK!

And just before that, I finished, Vision in White by Nora Roberts. This was a fun, light diversion for a couple of days. I'm actually a rather big fan of Roberts. I do have every book she's written, well, or I did at one time anyway. They're good, a nice break between deeper fantasy novels. She's excellent at characterization and her books are always full of fascinating details about different careers or lifestyles. This book is the first in a series based around four women that run a wedding planning company. This one focuses on the photographer, and while she's done dozens of books about mildly crazy commitment-phobic women, this one manages to be interesting and amusing. I think it will be a good series.

Anyway, there you go, that's what I have read this month. Enjoy!

Oversight

Wow, so...after reading Zeb's blog entry, I realized that my last entry was before I knew I was pregnant and in yesterday's I didn't bother to mention it, or for that matter, anything else that has happened since November.

So...yes...I'm pregnant, about 29 weeks along now. Which is exciting and fun and I can't wait to have little Jared. That's actually why all the people will be here on Saturday, Myranda's throwing us a baby shower. Not that there's anything else we need, we already had a huge shower in South Dakota, and then there's my aunt Peggy, who has been collecting baby stuff for me pretty much since I was born. Seriously. She sent me home with 4 bins of clothes, 2 boxes of books, and a bin of toys and other stuff. But yes, little Jared will have more outfits than he can ever wear. It seems like it's pregnancy season right now actually, as I have two friends that are also pregnant and due in the few months after me. This will be nice, I think, as then our kids will have other kids their age to hang out with, of course, Alison's moving way down to Florida with her's, but hey..we'll visit. =) Anyway, the pregnancy has been pretty much picture perfect. I had very minimal morning sickness and every appointment they say that he looks prefect. There was a little hiccup this month because I screwed up the amount of iron I was getting, which made my heart have some problems and made me very tired, but that's all fixed now...I think. So, anyway, that's the big thing that's going on.

I also have a new job....which I hate. Well, not hate, really. I mean, it's convenient in that I never have to go there or do anything, but I really wish I were actually making money. The problem with this place is that it's contractual, so I only get paid when I actually see clients. So if I sit at the office for half an hour, hoping they show up and they don't...I get nothing, and am just out all that time, plus the half hour it took me to drive there. People also have a tendency to never answer their phones or return my phone calls. This is making it hard to actually see anyone. I do have a few more appointments this week, but last paycheck I only worked like 10 hours and 6 of those were the 'paperwork' hours I get paid for...so yes, 3 appointments in two weeks.... Not exactly going to break the bank with this one. The plan right now is to keep it up at least until August and then look for something new while I'm on 'maternity leave'. I may keep it for a little while after, just because it's convenient to not have to go there that often, but I really need something full time, or at least moderately structured. They also don't take out taxes, apparently, which will be a huge pain come when I have to actually figure that out.

I'm less worried about the party now, while the house is still small, we're doing a good job of getting it clean and I think it'll work out even if people are a bit crowded. I don't really have all that much else to talk about right now, although I'll probably think of something later, and maybe make another post tomorrow. See how on top of this I'm being now? *grins*

Apologies

I have not blogged in way way too long. No one will probably even come and see this, because it has been so long since I have made an entry that none of you will think to come back and look here. I'm not going to write much tonight, either....sorry to get your hopes up, you nonexistent reader, you. It's late...well, late for current me anyway, I have been sleeping earlier and earlier lately, which I suppose is a good thing. In any case, I will attempt to write more tomorrow.

I'm also frazzled and crabby and in a 'mood' tonight, so going to bed is probably the best plan. I'm worried though. There are going to be a lot of people coming over on Saturday and our house is small....really really tiny small and I'm afraid that it will be far too crowded and no one will have any fun. I'm also worried about mom, but she yells at me when I say anything, so that's where I'll leave that.

This weekend was fun though, in spite of the feeling stressed and worried. Stacey came up and we played D&D yesterday and today we took Tommy to a birthday party for my friend, Becky's, son. He had a fantastic time and I'm really glad we took him, because he never gets to play with other kids. We had fun too of course. Anyway, off to bed with me, and I'll post more tomorrow and more frequently in the future too. I promise! =D

Shopping

So...as most of you know, today was Black Friday....a fun, insane day of shopping for those of us crazy enough to do it. I usually rather enjoy the day and have a lot of fun...this year, however, things were incredibly annoying.

I stayed up all night, because that's what I do, so we left around 3:45am to go to Herberger's. Herbergers went very well, we got there around 4, had gotten all of our things and were out the door by 4:20.

Then....Walmart. *headdesk* So...one of the major things I was wanting to get at Walmart was the vsmile pocket for our grandson. If you're familiar with Black Friday at Walmart, you will know that all of the 'doorbuster' items are out on the floor early, but the pallets are wrapped in black plastic and guarded by employees. They give you a map of where in the store the item you want is.

My mother went to electronics and the gps's....I'm glad I wasn't over there, apparently one girl got stuck and knocked into and split her head open on a shelving unit, and this other guy had his wrist broken by another customer. Yes...electronics was not a fun area. The really annoying aspect of electronics, is that, since it is in the back of the store, everyone that has gotten a cart at the front of the store realizes that there is no way that they will be able to get through at the back with it. Then, they abandon their carts, leading to the middle of the store being completely blocked with carts, like....every aisle.

Anyway...I went to where the v-smile pocket was supposed to be being unveiled in 20 minutes. It was not there. They had put out the wrong product and were supposedly finding them and going to get them out. There were quite a few of us looking for them. We waited, and waited, talked to something like 10 different associates over the course of the morning. I wandered a bit, getting other things, checking back every 5 mins or so to see if we'd found out anything. Finally....at 5:40, we learn that they had put them out at a different area of the store and they were all gone. AND that they had only found about 20 of them, when they were supposed to have a couple hundred. Suffice it to say...I was pissed. I actually went and found a manager and bitched about it, which is something I never do. She's supposedly going to get back to me and hopefully find it, but grrr.. Then, when we were checking out, they wouldn't match competitors prices. Now, they've been advertising this for ages, saying that they even match other black friday deals, etc. But apparently...not movies. An exemption that is mentioned nowhere in their ad, their radio announcements, or their website. So my plan of not having to get any movies at Target or Best Buy fell through, and annoyed me further. I did still get a lot of things I needed there though.

Next was JC Penney, which was rather fun. I got some cute clothes, some things for Zeb, a new pair of shoes, presents for some people...it was much more nicelier and relaxed.

It is now...8am, a time when most normal people might be considering getting up. And we are on our way to Shopko. Which wasn't bad, although my mom was starting to get very tired and grumpy. Most of the stuff we wanted there was sold out, but ah well, we got fluffy blankets, and who isn't cheered by fluffy blankets.

From Shopko, we head to Target, which wasn't too busy at all anymore, and was out of a lot of stuff. They had cheap movies though.

Then...yay...breakfast break =D Then we head to Herbergers again. We aren't there very long, just had to pick up a couple things we missed in our whirlwind 20 mins there at 4am, but I got a fantastic jacket.

Now it is a little after 11, the time when I normally bow out, along with my mom, grandma and cousin, leaving my aunt to shop by herself for the rest of the day. We're crazy, she's insane. Anyway, mom and grandma leave, cousin had left at 8...but, I, being nice because my aunt had hurt her foot and isn't supposed to be driving with it, say that I will help her finish her shopping.

We're getting to the end of the 'doorbuster' hours, so each time we go in a new store, we have to start with her begging them to still give her the prices, even though it's noon. This makes the next several stores very hectic with lots of rushing to meet deadlines. We go to Menards, Toys R' Us, K-Mart, Runnings and Ace Hardware. Each store is fraught with tons of problems, running around and whining to sales people. Which takes me to now, 3:30, where I have spent almost 11 hours shopping on no sleep.

But hey, at least I didn't die. In New York, a salesperson at WalMart was trampled TO DEATH when customers broke through the locked store doors and swarmed the place, and no one stopped to help him at all. And in California, a fight for a toy at toys r us ended up in a gunfight with 2 people dead. *shakes head* Really makes one question humanity.

Intentions

So...some of you may know that I'm participating in NaNoWriMo. For those of you not in the know, that stands for National Novel Writing Month. The goal of this month is to write 50,000 words. Now, I don't expect that what comes out of this month will be my best writing, or that I would end up with something that might be considered publishable. But it's getting me writing again, which I needed. While I have a lot of ideas for things to write, I really fail when it comes to motivation. So, Nano really helps for that.

My intention for this book is to finally get the mafia III story written up. Helgraf and I are both trying to write 50,000 words on it and are then going to attempt to mesh our points of view together. I think this will actually really help my writing because then once he writes sections, I can play off of what he's having happen. It made for very good interactions when we were writing these together before. Of course, the problem with doing this is that then I feel like my writing has to be on par with Helgraf's and it usually isn't. But hey, he gives me something to strive for.

I have joined a writing competition on gitp as well this month. It hasn't started yet, but I'm concerned at how that will effect my Nano wordcounts. I'm doing alright so far, I didn't write anything over the weekend, but that's to be expected. Unlike most people doing this, weekends are the times when I have less time for writing. I'm at 5,710 words from this morning though, so, if I can write that much every time I sit down, and I make a point of sitting down 4 mornings a week....I should be well ahead of schedule. Especially if I go to some evening write-ins as well.

Relax

I've not been very good at keeping this up, I'm sad to say. I will endeavor to improve. It's been awhile since I've written, so I suppose I ought catch things up.

This has been a fun month. Gencon and all that. I had a really good time this year. Probably the best I've ever had there....and I always have fun. We had less people in our room than we would have liked, which I suppose was alright, since space-wise, it wasn't all that large. However, as far as the pocketbook goes...it would have been nice if we'd had a few more people to share it with. We have a lot of people interested in rooming with us next year though, so things shouldn't be so bad.

The highlight of gencon for me, probably, was the Nascrag tournament. Now, this is a fun little event where you put together a team and play through a D&Dish adventure. It's not remotely combat based, but is entirely focused on how well you can roleplay and puzzle solve. Our team was myself, Zeb, Ceika, Tantolain, Indurain, and Felixaar. So, naturally, we had a blast. Indy and I especially, since our roles were a pair of twin sister dancing girls. We played off each other really well and it was hilarious.

I got to meet quite a few people that I didn't know previously, Felixaar (although by this point, he'd been hanging with us for a week, so I didn't exactly meet him at the con), Smee, Kyrian, Lykan, Lex-kat...probably a few others. Although really, I knew practically everyone there already. Zeb, me, Ceika, Tantolain and Indurain spent pretty much the entire time together. It was nice to see Phoe and Reina again. And this year, I actually got to spend some time talking to Thes and El J, so huzzah to that.

This year, it felt like there was a lot less time. I think it's because we spent the majority of the dealer hall hours frantically trying to complete quests. Which, of course, we never got anything out of. Well, no...not exactly, because Krade won a bunch of stuff and gave us everything he didn't want.

It was a really good time though. And I behaved and hardly bought a thing. I got a new set of dice, a watercolor book, and two smaller games. One of which was a new hex hex, for which I'm very excited, because hex hex is the most fun game ever.

I realize I could probably continue on awhile, I didn't talk much about the cuddlefests or random moments of silliness, but I think I'll move onto other aspects of life.

I'm still unemployed. Yeah, it sucks. I'm really really pissed at my school about this. They moved some of our classes until after graduation....shouldn't have been a big deal, right? Except that in Maryland...and apparently Texas, and probably other places...in order to be hired for any therapist position, I need my provisional license. In order to get this license, I need to have taken these courses and sit for the exam. The courses have been over since the beginning of the month now, but of course, the grades are just getting put on my transcript now and so then I have to order the transcript and send in my application and get approved for the exam.....ideally in time to take it in early September. I don't even know if that's going to happen. Not to mention that moving these classes made it so that they can't be paid for with financial aid and apparently they're supposed to hold my transcripts until I've finished paying for them. Which, of course, I can't do until I get a job, which I can't get without my transcript. Grrrr...vicious circle.

In gaming news, there was a beta preview weekend of Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning over the weekend. Holy wow is that a great game. It pretty much combines the aspects of Camelot and WoW that we liked while adding a bunch of new, neat things. I'm sad that we only got to play it for so short a time. We're planning on getting all of our friends together in a guild though.

Jerry's taking a class this week, so is gone during the days rather than at night. It's been....different. Although, I kinda like being home alone all day. It's relaxing. I've gotten so much reading done.

Aaron was supposed to come out and visit, but the stupid flights decreed that it oughtn't be so. He has two weeks off right now and I think he's planning on coming out at some point during this time. I'm not sure when though. Mom's talking about flying us all down to Florida, which I think would be a lot of fun. I haven't seen her in awhile and I need to buy a dress for Alison's wedding and it's always more fun to shop with her and grandma.

I think Athena may be finally turning into a good dog. She's really sweet and is really starting to grow on me. I can't even remember the last time she did something that required me to yell at her. Speaking of dogs, my mom apparently rescued a stray. He was walking down the street and was skinny and starving and had been beaten. But supposedly he's just the sweetest thing and now that he's determined that she's nice and not going to hit him whenever she tries to pet him, he won't leave her side. I'm guessing my dad probably isn't the happiest to have 3 dogs in the house, but eh, it's not like she could just leave him to get hit by a car.

Well, I've rambled on enough I think, maybe if I write more often, I won't have to make such long posts filling you all in about weeks of my life. We'll shoot for that. =D

Restless

You know...I thought I would enjoy having a little break this summer. I was looking forward to the idea that we could live on Zeb's salary alone and that I wouldn't have to scramble to find a job. I could maybe be picky, find one I really want, rather than having to take just any old thing that'll hire me. I was looking forward to calming down, stopping stressing, taking some time to relax, read, watch tv.... Only to find that I can't do that.

Apparently, I am incapable of just 'relaxing'. I always have to have a list of things that have to be done and when I sit down for even an hour or two to play a game, I feel like I'm slacking. Hell, I can't even make it through an entire tv show without having to pause it and get up and do something.

I swear this is a new development. I know that once upon a time, I was able to just hang out and watch tv. I remember hours of just sitting in front of my laptop browsing the forums. Of course, the fact that I can't do that has more to do with the fact that they've been down for a week than anything else. *shakes fist at server* But even when they were up, I didn't just hang out there. I didn't browse and chat in RB like I used to. I check my subscribed threads, I send actions into my games, and then I wander off to 'be productive'. *sigh*

And the job thing...the break idea...even if I could handle it, apparently our finances can't. It seems we're barely scraping by on what we have...(damn this house is expensive) So now I'm fretting the fact that I'm still unemployed. Never mind that I've been running around like crazy since graduation and spent a month in SD and had nowhere near any time for job hunting...but there's this crazy voice inside my head telling me that I'm slacking and taking advantage of Zeb and need to be doing more and need to be employed already.

And then there's the fact that I'm worried about the 'finding a job' thing anyway. When I initially started looking at jobs, there was basically nothing available that didn't require you already be licensed. What I would like to know is how the hell people are supposed to get licensed if no one will hire them to allow them to accrue hours.... But now I've been looking more, and there is stuff out there.....a lot of stuff. So, of course, I went crazy. And over the past 2 days have applied for something on the order of 40 jobs. Some probably aren't even jobs I want, they're just things I'm qualified for....some even way overqualified for....because that scared little voice is telling me that no one is going to want to hire me and that even if I make it to an interview, I'll screw it up because I'm quiet and nervous and can't translate thoughts into coherent sentences.

I know it's nuts. I know that I'm capable and competent and good at what I do. I know that I have excellent credentials. I know that I just graduated from the best and hardest art therapy program in the country. I know that I am smart and responsible and compassionate and would be a great therapist. I'm just really really worried that I'm incapable of conveying that to someone else.

And so here we have me...still stressed. I'm done with grad school, done with the damn wedding....and still every little thing is turning me inside out. I know I'm driving Zeb up the wall. Every day I add like 10 things to the list of stuff we need to get done to finish the house. And we just got a wii and fun new games for it, and of course, he wants to play them, but then I'm making him feel guilty about it, because I can't seem to make myself sit down and play with them and ugh..I'm a mess.

It doesn't help that every day my mom calls and not 5 minutes into the conversation she asking about this thing or that thing that I mentioned I might get done soon. And the fact that she always sounds so disapproving of what I'm doing and how I'm doing things, makes me snap at her. I don't think we've had a conversation since I got back from SD that hasn't ended with one or both of us pissed off over something. And I know, I'm probably overreacting...but does she really have to know everything that's happening at all times? Which of course, she'll have an opinion on. I'm sorry, but I'm sick of her always having to be involved in every aspect of my life. I think I'm, at least mildly, independent....capable of making my own choices and decisions. And, while she says we're just 'having a conversation' to me we're 'discussing what Amanda's doing wrong now' and I can't handle that every day, I just can't anymore.

And now, I have a killer headache and have clearly ranted enough at you all. I guess I should probably go to sleep here. I hardly slept at all last night, or today, rather since it was 6:30 when I laid down. I couldn't sleep, and then I tried to sleep when Zeb did later in the day, and that didn't work either. I'm chalking it up to this restlessness, but I seriously hope it cuts it out. Cause I am not a happy person to be around when I haven't slept. *sigh* I really didn't mean this to turn into a rant. I really am happy, even if it's hard to hear that through all the stress and worry and bitching. but....*sigh* When does life get easy?