Spiraling

Do you ever get to that point where you have so many things on your mind and so much to do and so much to think about that you just shut down? That you find yourself not caring if you have finished any of the reading for the next day or spending close to 12 hours on a 3-5 page paper because you can't bring yourself to do it? That's me today, this week, this month. It's not like this time last year, where I didn't do anything because I was completely depressed and unhappy. No, this is just good old-fashioned being overwhelmed.

I'm getting married. Did you know that? Probably, because I can't imagine you reading this if you didn't. But suffice it to say that that is where a good chunk of this stress is emanating from. The average couple is engaged for 16-20 months before they actually tie the knot. Jerry and I have been engaged for about a month, our wedding is just more than 3 months away. Now, it really isn't -that- difficult to plan a wedding.....except that ours is taking place across the country, so arranging things there has been a bit of a chore. And it's my last semester in grad school, so I'm crazy stressed already. Of course, I have no desire to work on papers when I could be picking out napkins or goblets, but...there you go.

It's actually all coming together pretty well. My family has taken on a good chunk of the responsibility, so that's been nice. I'm tired though, and not 'it's quarter of 2, I should be in bed' tired....just wishing my life were started tired.

We've gotten a house and a dog. The house is great, although it has its quirks. The pipes are obnoxious and there's no outlets anywhere, but we're working on that. The dog is a total sweetheart, but the biggest pain in the ass I've ever known. I'm glad I'm not there every day, because from the stories I hear, I don't know that I'd refrain from strangling her as well as Jerry is. She's a cutie though. A basset hound...who loves us...far too much. She cries and howls and whines and bays and makes a mess of things whenever we leave her even for a few minutes. It's very sad....and annoying the neighbors.

My regular blog has been gone for some time, so I'll repopulate it here. I miss blogging actually. I saw an article the other day...let me see if I can find it. Bleh. No idea. I've no idea how I can never find anything when there's not even that much stuff left in my apartment. Anyway, it was a neat little article talking about how blogging and posting on the internet improves mood, self esteem and socialization. And really, it makes perfect sense. I mean, I've done all this research on how journaling decreases stress and anxiety and can improve mood and what is blogging, but just online journaling.

I'm going to make an effort to add things of interest in here that I'm learning as well. Today has been focused on the symbolic meaning of the door and I've learned a lot of rather interesting things. Like did you know that it's said that if you are an author and you dream about someone else going through a door, it means that you're worried about people continuing to read your works? The ancient idea that the threshold of a home is sacred is actually pretty interesting as well. Men used to sacrifice animals on the threshold of their home before they took possession of it. This was seen as entering a blood covenant with the god of that threshold, who would now be responsible for protecting the people living within it. If someone was invited across the threshold, it became the man's duty to protect that person. It was also found that thieves feared the wrath of the threshold god and would seek ways to enter that didn't involve passing through the doorway. And the romans felt the threshold was so sacred that when they marked the areas where walls would be built with the furrow from a plow, they carried the plow over the area where they planned to put the gate so that they wouldn't disturb the sacred ground. I've been looking at a lot of religious and mythological iconography related to this area as well over the past few days and must say that Janus is a fascinating god and it makes me sad to think that his name has come to be synonymous with deceitful or hypocritical when he was a benevolent and protecting deity. You're bored already aren't you?

Anyway, it's 2am, so I'm going to head to sleep. I didn't keep up that regularly with my previous blog....let's see if I do a bit better with this one.