88

.... is the number of items on my to-do list.

I don't know that I can do this. I don't know that I can exist for 3 more full weeks in the state of extreme stress that I am in. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel, but it's dim.

I've started delegating items. I'll put little j's next to things on the list that I think I can push off on Jerry. It's not many, but it's a little help. Although, then I just go and do those things anyway. *sigh*

Of course, I haven't the time to be writing this either. *heads back to revising her thesis*

Insanity

Well...in an attempt to meet all of our obligations, we spent -a lot- of time driving this weekend. I drove up here on Thursday night because Jerry needed help unpacking things and getting things ready for when my parents come with all of the furniture, and also so that we wouldn't have to drive two cars back up on Saturday. Granted, we didn't put anything away Thursday night. I got here earlier than I intended and since I was sick and Jerry was sleeping, so I slept too, and then slept all night, which really, I needed.

Friday, we slept again and then went shopping and drove to Norfolk. The dress I got was very cute, kinda 1920's flapper feel, but long, if that makes sense at all. It had two layers, a black satin underneath and a woven, sorta crochet design over top, the top layer was longer than the bottom, which is what gave it the interesting look. We were almost late for the dance though because it took foooooooooooorever to make it down to Norfolk. Have I mentioned how much I deeeeeeeespise traffic?

The dance was actually fun! They did a terrible job on estimating alcohol and ran out of wine less than halfway through the dance. Now, I shouldn't be drinking wine, so I guess that was okay. But we all chatted and critiqued people's dance moves.

Saturday we went out to brunch with Jeremy and Alison and then went over to Ken's to give Nate and Mike birthday presents. The party was moved to Sunday, so we weren't able to go to that. Funny story with the presents though... Okay.... when we were moving me from Norfolk, we asked Mike to be the ring bearer for our wedding. Kim took it upon herself to confuse the issue and make him think he was going to be the flower girl and wear a frilly dress. He freaked out and was very upset and didn't want to be in the wedding. So, of course, we bought him a pink frilly dress for his birthday. The expression on his face was classic. I've never seen him look so angry. Of course we got him a real present too, but that was hiding out in the car.

Then we drove back up here, worked on figuring out the taxes, I wrote a paper, it was very bleh. But I found a lot of fun places we might go on our honeymoon. Thena actually wasn't that bad while we were gone. Of course, Sunday when we were gone, she chewed off the corner and half of the binding of a very expensive book that I even had really out of the way so she wouldn't get it. A school book...and out of print school book. Why does she like to eat books?! Grrrr!

Sunday we had D&D, which while fun, was exhausting cause I felt like crap. We're not going to be able to have it any more for the rest of the summer because everyone's (well...mine mostly) schedules are far too full, so we're just going to do the periodic boat day. That should be fun, I like being out on the boat.

We then came home and worked in the office for awhile. It looks really good. I'm glad, cause I was worried that the house would be a complete disaster when my parents got here. It's still bad, but we'll get it done. Not that I really have time to work on this, but eh..

I was supposed to come home tonight, but felt like complete crap, so called in sick to work. I feel a bit guilty because I've not a lot of time to make up the hours, but I'll figure it out.

This weekend was good though. I feel actually less stressed for once. I'm sure tomorrow it'll sink back in that I've two weeks to finish -everything-. Or maybe not tomorrow, maybe it'll sink in now. *worries again*

Sigh. I need sleep.

Fuzzy

Bleh. I feel like complete and utter crap today. I stayed home from class yesterday because I was sick. I realize today that yesterday I was just 'starting' to get sick....today, I am fully and completely sick. I wanted to be productive tonight too. I have a paper to write...two of them actually, and the house is such a mess.

I feel bad because I was completely crabby and bitchy to Jerry tonight, but I walked into the house and there was chewed up paper everywhere (yes...Athena does this daily...) And so much stuff on the couches you couldn't even sit there and it just made me want to cry. And I know it won't be nearly so bad once we get everything set up and have a place for things and don't just have boxes -everywhere-, but dang it...I don't want to have to clean and unpack anymore. I'm tired and sick and crabby and stressed and its making me miserable.

On the bright side, I'm going to go out and bye a new dress tomorrow. Because when I went to find one in my closet, I realized I have none. Now, that's not right, cause I know I have plenty of dresses. However, they've apparently never gotten unpacked. Which means...a. I've no idea where they are (here in the house, somewhere...) and b. If I did find them in the morning, they'll be a horrible wrinkled mess cause they've been in a box or suitcase since the beginning of March. So...yay...new dress. heh.

The reason that I even need a new dress is because we are going to a semi-formal dance in Norfolk tomorrow night. It's also Mikey and Nate's birthday, so we're going to be at a party there Saturday. But we have to be in Maryland Sunday, so that means lots of driving. Since I'm here now. So...I drove up today. We're driving down tomorrow, back Saturday and then I'll drive back again Sunday. Blech. Have I mentioned I hate driving?

Okay...apparently I need more sleep. My head is fuzzy and feels full of rocks. I hate being sick. And yes, mom....I did take my shake. Have been every day. So you just hush! =P

Sleep

I'm tired. I know, I say that a lot, but I really am. Every day I sit at my computer and will myself to keep my eyes open and get things done. I have to take a nap nearly every day. I didn't even get to sleep -that- late last night. *sigh*

I've gotten to the point where I'm dividing my to-do list into sections of 'school', 'wedding', and 'other'. The sheer number of things I have to remember to get done over the next month is staggering.

On the bright side, this weekend will be calmer than planned. We've arranged to board Athena for the weekend while Jerry is down here. I'm not allowed to have dogs in my apartment and we're more than capable of bringing her over to Ken's, but it's really so much easier not to have her here. When we bring her over to Ken's, it feels like we're spending the entire time keeping her off the couch or out of things, and feel guilty leaving her there for even a few hours while we go out with my friends. Not to mention that we'd have to stay at Ken's every night. Not that I mind Ken's. It's just....loud. And messy. And there's little kids that wake you up at 8am when you were up until 5, and if Athena's there with us, we can't just pack up and head back to my place to sleep more in the morning. It is fun at Ken's however. Plus I simply have way too much to get done to spend the weekend dealing with kids and dogs.

Oh, and have I mentioned how wonderful my parents are? My mom and grandma came out a couple weekends ago and we bought tons of things for the wedding, and picked out my dress, and grandma bought us the shiny dishwasher I mentioned earlier. It was really nice of her, although I feel terribly guilty about the amount of money she spent on me. I shouldn't, because I didn't ask her to, and I haven't any of my own, so it's kinda necessary, but I feel bad all the same. And a couple weeks before that my dad came out to help me pack. He packed my entire apartment in a day. A DAY. Yes. That man is really darned impressive.

Can I go take a nap now? *sigh* No, I know...I already took mine for today...but I wanna. *whines*

Growth

It's nearly 2am. Time that I ought be in bed, not posting over here....but here I am. *waves*

Today is a good day. Class was interesting and informative. I didn't do a whole lot this evening, and that was nice too....maybe I needed a break. I keep saying that, because I feel stressed...but wind up with far more break than 'work'. I really am going to kick in gear and tackle my 50 item to-do list later this week though, I swear.

The main reason that today was good, however, was because I have a presentation tomorrow. I can see you saying..."Wait....presentation....good?" But follow...there's logic here. I am a very timid and shy person. Many of you that know me only from online might be surprised to learn this, but it is true. I do not do well at speaking in front of people as a general rule. My voice is consistently 2 notches below an appropriate volume and I tend to get reeeeeeeally nervous when I give presentations. Tomorrow, Alison and I, have to lead class. This means talking for oh...at least an hour, and running an art experiential. I have no problems with this. Let me repeat. I have NO problems with this. I feel perfectly calm, perfectly ready and perfectly capable of doing this. I haven't written out a script. I don't have an extensive outline. Yet I have complete faith in my ability to lead the discussion, incite intelligent conversation, and ask appropriate questions. This my friends, is what we call PROGRESS.

In other news, I'm happy. Really happy. Haven't been this happy in well...a really long time. I feel like I am good at what I do and capable of being happy in this career for the rest of my life (once I find a job, that is....I hate looking for jobs...). I feel that I love this area (not this area exactly, Norfolk is meh, but Glen Burnie...and Maryland in general.) It's nice, pretty, our neighbors are friendly and I've met them. This may not seem like much, but since I left South Dakota I have never once known a single one of my neighbors. I have a dog, a pain in the ass demon spawn of a dog, but still a sweet loving dear of a thing. And most importantly, I have Jerry. I was struck over the weekend that for the first time in any of the relationships I've ever had (and there have been quite a few) I finally have someone that I view as a partner, that any problems, worries, successes we have are really going to be ours. Not mine....not his....but ours. It may sound like a little thing, or that there's not that much of a line between this and what I normally have in a relationship, but it's huge, and when I realized this on Saturday, it kind of floored me for a moment. *jots it down on the increasingly long list of reasons that I'm sure this is forever*

Hm...I should give this link to my mom sometime. She does whine about the fact that she can't use my blog to keep up on my life anymore. *adds to to-do list*