Friday, November 28, 2008

Shopping most of you know, today was Black Friday....a fun, insane day of shopping for those of us crazy enough to do it. I usually rather enjoy the day and have a lot of fun...this year, however, things were incredibly annoying.

I stayed up all night, because that's what I do, so we left around 3:45am to go to Herberger's. Herbergers went very well, we got there around 4, had gotten all of our things and were out the door by 4:20.

Then....Walmart. *headdesk* of the major things I was wanting to get at Walmart was the vsmile pocket for our grandson. If you're familiar with Black Friday at Walmart, you will know that all of the 'doorbuster' items are out on the floor early, but the pallets are wrapped in black plastic and guarded by employees. They give you a map of where in the store the item you want is.

My mother went to electronics and the gps's....I'm glad I wasn't over there, apparently one girl got stuck and knocked into and split her head open on a shelving unit, and this other guy had his wrist broken by another customer. Yes...electronics was not a fun area. The really annoying aspect of electronics, is that, since it is in the back of the store, everyone that has gotten a cart at the front of the store realizes that there is no way that they will be able to get through at the back with it. Then, they abandon their carts, leading to the middle of the store being completely blocked with carts, like....every aisle.

Anyway...I went to where the v-smile pocket was supposed to be being unveiled in 20 minutes. It was not there. They had put out the wrong product and were supposedly finding them and going to get them out. There were quite a few of us looking for them. We waited, and waited, talked to something like 10 different associates over the course of the morning. I wandered a bit, getting other things, checking back every 5 mins or so to see if we'd found out anything. 5:40, we learn that they had put them out at a different area of the store and they were all gone. AND that they had only found about 20 of them, when they were supposed to have a couple hundred. Suffice it to say...I was pissed. I actually went and found a manager and bitched about it, which is something I never do. She's supposedly going to get back to me and hopefully find it, but grrr.. Then, when we were checking out, they wouldn't match competitors prices. Now, they've been advertising this for ages, saying that they even match other black friday deals, etc. But apparently...not movies. An exemption that is mentioned nowhere in their ad, their radio announcements, or their website. So my plan of not having to get any movies at Target or Best Buy fell through, and annoyed me further. I did still get a lot of things I needed there though.

Next was JC Penney, which was rather fun. I got some cute clothes, some things for Zeb, a new pair of shoes, presents for some was much more nicelier and relaxed.

It is now...8am, a time when most normal people might be considering getting up. And we are on our way to Shopko. Which wasn't bad, although my mom was starting to get very tired and grumpy. Most of the stuff we wanted there was sold out, but ah well, we got fluffy blankets, and who isn't cheered by fluffy blankets.

From Shopko, we head to Target, which wasn't too busy at all anymore, and was out of a lot of stuff. They had cheap movies though.

Then...yay...breakfast break =D Then we head to Herbergers again. We aren't there very long, just had to pick up a couple things we missed in our whirlwind 20 mins there at 4am, but I got a fantastic jacket.

Now it is a little after 11, the time when I normally bow out, along with my mom, grandma and cousin, leaving my aunt to shop by herself for the rest of the day. We're crazy, she's insane. Anyway, mom and grandma leave, cousin had left at 8...but, I, being nice because my aunt had hurt her foot and isn't supposed to be driving with it, say that I will help her finish her shopping.

We're getting to the end of the 'doorbuster' hours, so each time we go in a new store, we have to start with her begging them to still give her the prices, even though it's noon. This makes the next several stores very hectic with lots of rushing to meet deadlines. We go to Menards, Toys R' Us, K-Mart, Runnings and Ace Hardware. Each store is fraught with tons of problems, running around and whining to sales people. Which takes me to now, 3:30, where I have spent almost 11 hours shopping on no sleep.

But hey, at least I didn't die. In New York, a salesperson at WalMart was trampled TO DEATH when customers broke through the locked store doors and swarmed the place, and no one stopped to help him at all. And in California, a fight for a toy at toys r us ended up in a gunfight with 2 people dead. *shakes head* Really makes one question humanity.

Monday, November 3, 2008


So...some of you may know that I'm participating in NaNoWriMo. For those of you not in the know, that stands for National Novel Writing Month. The goal of this month is to write 50,000 words. Now, I don't expect that what comes out of this month will be my best writing, or that I would end up with something that might be considered publishable. But it's getting me writing again, which I needed. While I have a lot of ideas for things to write, I really fail when it comes to motivation. So, Nano really helps for that.

My intention for this book is to finally get the mafia III story written up. Helgraf and I are both trying to write 50,000 words on it and are then going to attempt to mesh our points of view together. I think this will actually really help my writing because then once he writes sections, I can play off of what he's having happen. It made for very good interactions when we were writing these together before. Of course, the problem with doing this is that then I feel like my writing has to be on par with Helgraf's and it usually isn't. But hey, he gives me something to strive for.

I have joined a writing competition on gitp as well this month. It hasn't started yet, but I'm concerned at how that will effect my Nano wordcounts. I'm doing alright so far, I didn't write anything over the weekend, but that's to be expected. Unlike most people doing this, weekends are the times when I have less time for writing. I'm at 5,710 words from this morning though, so, if I can write that much every time I sit down, and I make a point of sitting down 4 mornings a week....I should be well ahead of schedule. Especially if I go to some evening write-ins as well.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008


I've not been very good at keeping this up, I'm sad to say. I will endeavor to improve. It's been awhile since I've written, so I suppose I ought catch things up.

This has been a fun month. Gencon and all that. I had a really good time this year. Probably the best I've ever had there....and I always have fun. We had less people in our room than we would have liked, which I suppose was alright, since space-wise, it wasn't all that large. However, as far as the pocketbook would have been nice if we'd had a few more people to share it with. We have a lot of people interested in rooming with us next year though, so things shouldn't be so bad.

The highlight of gencon for me, probably, was the Nascrag tournament. Now, this is a fun little event where you put together a team and play through a D&Dish adventure. It's not remotely combat based, but is entirely focused on how well you can roleplay and puzzle solve. Our team was myself, Zeb, Ceika, Tantolain, Indurain, and Felixaar. So, naturally, we had a blast. Indy and I especially, since our roles were a pair of twin sister dancing girls. We played off each other really well and it was hilarious.

I got to meet quite a few people that I didn't know previously, Felixaar (although by this point, he'd been hanging with us for a week, so I didn't exactly meet him at the con), Smee, Kyrian, Lykan, Lex-kat...probably a few others. Although really, I knew practically everyone there already. Zeb, me, Ceika, Tantolain and Indurain spent pretty much the entire time together. It was nice to see Phoe and Reina again. And this year, I actually got to spend some time talking to Thes and El J, so huzzah to that.

This year, it felt like there was a lot less time. I think it's because we spent the majority of the dealer hall hours frantically trying to complete quests. Which, of course, we never got anything out of. Well, no...not exactly, because Krade won a bunch of stuff and gave us everything he didn't want.

It was a really good time though. And I behaved and hardly bought a thing. I got a new set of dice, a watercolor book, and two smaller games. One of which was a new hex hex, for which I'm very excited, because hex hex is the most fun game ever.

I realize I could probably continue on awhile, I didn't talk much about the cuddlefests or random moments of silliness, but I think I'll move onto other aspects of life.

I'm still unemployed. Yeah, it sucks. I'm really really pissed at my school about this. They moved some of our classes until after graduation....shouldn't have been a big deal, right? Except that in Maryland...and apparently Texas, and probably other order to be hired for any therapist position, I need my provisional license. In order to get this license, I need to have taken these courses and sit for the exam. The courses have been over since the beginning of the month now, but of course, the grades are just getting put on my transcript now and so then I have to order the transcript and send in my application and get approved for the exam.....ideally in time to take it in early September. I don't even know if that's going to happen. Not to mention that moving these classes made it so that they can't be paid for with financial aid and apparently they're supposed to hold my transcripts until I've finished paying for them. Which, of course, I can't do until I get a job, which I can't get without my transcript. Grrrr...vicious circle.

In gaming news, there was a beta preview weekend of Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning over the weekend. Holy wow is that a great game. It pretty much combines the aspects of Camelot and WoW that we liked while adding a bunch of new, neat things. I'm sad that we only got to play it for so short a time. We're planning on getting all of our friends together in a guild though.

Jerry's taking a class this week, so is gone during the days rather than at night. It's been....different. Although, I kinda like being home alone all day. It's relaxing. I've gotten so much reading done.

Aaron was supposed to come out and visit, but the stupid flights decreed that it oughtn't be so. He has two weeks off right now and I think he's planning on coming out at some point during this time. I'm not sure when though. Mom's talking about flying us all down to Florida, which I think would be a lot of fun. I haven't seen her in awhile and I need to buy a dress for Alison's wedding and it's always more fun to shop with her and grandma.

I think Athena may be finally turning into a good dog. She's really sweet and is really starting to grow on me. I can't even remember the last time she did something that required me to yell at her. Speaking of dogs, my mom apparently rescued a stray. He was walking down the street and was skinny and starving and had been beaten. But supposedly he's just the sweetest thing and now that he's determined that she's nice and not going to hit him whenever she tries to pet him, he won't leave her side. I'm guessing my dad probably isn't the happiest to have 3 dogs in the house, but eh, it's not like she could just leave him to get hit by a car.

Well, I've rambled on enough I think, maybe if I write more often, I won't have to make such long posts filling you all in about weeks of my life. We'll shoot for that. =D

Friday, July 18, 2008


You know...I thought I would enjoy having a little break this summer. I was looking forward to the idea that we could live on Zeb's salary alone and that I wouldn't have to scramble to find a job. I could maybe be picky, find one I really want, rather than having to take just any old thing that'll hire me. I was looking forward to calming down, stopping stressing, taking some time to relax, read, watch tv.... Only to find that I can't do that.

Apparently, I am incapable of just 'relaxing'. I always have to have a list of things that have to be done and when I sit down for even an hour or two to play a game, I feel like I'm slacking. Hell, I can't even make it through an entire tv show without having to pause it and get up and do something.

I swear this is a new development. I know that once upon a time, I was able to just hang out and watch tv. I remember hours of just sitting in front of my laptop browsing the forums. Of course, the fact that I can't do that has more to do with the fact that they've been down for a week than anything else. *shakes fist at server* But even when they were up, I didn't just hang out there. I didn't browse and chat in RB like I used to. I check my subscribed threads, I send actions into my games, and then I wander off to 'be productive'. *sigh*

And the job thing...the break idea...even if I could handle it, apparently our finances can't. It seems we're barely scraping by on what we have...(damn this house is expensive) So now I'm fretting the fact that I'm still unemployed. Never mind that I've been running around like crazy since graduation and spent a month in SD and had nowhere near any time for job hunting...but there's this crazy voice inside my head telling me that I'm slacking and taking advantage of Zeb and need to be doing more and need to be employed already.

And then there's the fact that I'm worried about the 'finding a job' thing anyway. When I initially started looking at jobs, there was basically nothing available that didn't require you already be licensed. What I would like to know is how the hell people are supposed to get licensed if no one will hire them to allow them to accrue hours.... But now I've been looking more, and there is stuff out there.....a lot of stuff. So, of course, I went crazy. And over the past 2 days have applied for something on the order of 40 jobs. Some probably aren't even jobs I want, they're just things I'm qualified for....some even way overqualified for....because that scared little voice is telling me that no one is going to want to hire me and that even if I make it to an interview, I'll screw it up because I'm quiet and nervous and can't translate thoughts into coherent sentences.

I know it's nuts. I know that I'm capable and competent and good at what I do. I know that I have excellent credentials. I know that I just graduated from the best and hardest art therapy program in the country. I know that I am smart and responsible and compassionate and would be a great therapist. I'm just really really worried that I'm incapable of conveying that to someone else.

And so here we have me...still stressed. I'm done with grad school, done with the damn wedding....and still every little thing is turning me inside out. I know I'm driving Zeb up the wall. Every day I add like 10 things to the list of stuff we need to get done to finish the house. And we just got a wii and fun new games for it, and of course, he wants to play them, but then I'm making him feel guilty about it, because I can't seem to make myself sit down and play with them and ugh..I'm a mess.

It doesn't help that every day my mom calls and not 5 minutes into the conversation she asking about this thing or that thing that I mentioned I might get done soon. And the fact that she always sounds so disapproving of what I'm doing and how I'm doing things, makes me snap at her. I don't think we've had a conversation since I got back from SD that hasn't ended with one or both of us pissed off over something. And I know, I'm probably overreacting...but does she really have to know everything that's happening at all times? Which of course, she'll have an opinion on. I'm sorry, but I'm sick of her always having to be involved in every aspect of my life. I think I'm, at least mildly, independent....capable of making my own choices and decisions. And, while she says we're just 'having a conversation' to me we're 'discussing what Amanda's doing wrong now' and I can't handle that every day, I just can't anymore.

And now, I have a killer headache and have clearly ranted enough at you all. I guess I should probably go to sleep here. I hardly slept at all last night, or today, rather since it was 6:30 when I laid down. I couldn't sleep, and then I tried to sleep when Zeb did later in the day, and that didn't work either. I'm chalking it up to this restlessness, but I seriously hope it cuts it out. Cause I am not a happy person to be around when I haven't slept. *sigh* I really didn't mean this to turn into a rant. I really am happy, even if it's hard to hear that through all the stress and worry and bitching. but....*sigh* When does life get easy?

Friday, July 11, 2008


Well huh...I'm married. After all the planning and the stressing and the worrying and the's just...over and done. I mean, I'm happy and all. Deliriously happy. I love Zeb so damn much and I suppose it's nice to be done with it all, but...I kinda feels sudden and like something's missing now without the wedding to worry about. *shrugs* Of course, I'm still crazy busy, but I shouldn't be. I dunno, it's like I can't let myself just relax and have fun and not be stressing out over -something-. *sigh*

Anyway...the wedding was beautiful and perfect, well...nearly perfect. Let's list the things that weren't.... It's a short list, really, which I hear is unusual for weddings:

1. I didn't actually lose any weight before the wedding. As such, I feel like I looked crappy in all my photos, at least those I've seen. I haven't seen the professional ones yet.
2. It was windy during the ceremony which made the microphones screwy.
3. It was really freaking hot at the reception initially which I think made a fair number of people take off early.
4. The best man left at 5. WTF? I'm sorry, but I felt that was incredibly rude and selfish. And a lot of other people did too. 'Waaaa, there's kids and it's hot and we're not having that much fun.' Suck it up. You're here for someone else and frankly, there's a time when you should think of them and not just you. Although, truthfully, we probably had more fun without them.
5. Sue and Kay got in a fight. Well, admittedly, I didn't learn of this until the next day, but I hate that people were fighting at the reception and hope mom smoothed things over so that Kay doesn't think I had anything to do with anything.

And...that's about it. Not too bad if I do say so myself.

The wedding and reception were really perfect though. Like most girls, I've planned aspects of my wedding for as long as I can remember. My dress was exactly the dress I'd always pictured in my mind. There were daisies everywhere, which gave everything a cheerful, casual feel. We were able to pull off a whole fantasy theme without going to crazy or being cheesy. And it was geeky. There was kubb played and gazebo attacking and we renamed the bar Trog's Tavern. All in all it was very us and very special. Zeb was incredibly handsome and every time he looked at me he just looked so happy and so sure that this was right and perfect. I couldn't stop smiling.

The candle holders went over well and looked really nice with the table cloths we made. There was tons of food and it was all delicious. Of course, I hardly ate anything, sadly. The cake was beautiful. Kay did just a superb job. And all in all, we really didn't spend that much. The DJ and photographer were worth every penny, and we didn't spend that much on them. Although I was actually a little disappointed in some songs that the DJ was missing, although he was apparently robbed the day before. I'm not sure if that had anything to do with it. I was sad to not be able to hear dani california though, or any of the 'good' barenaked ladies songs.

All in all, a good time was had by all. The playgrounders stayed and hung out til the end with us, as did most of my dad's family, which was good and fun. I must say I've never before seen, or expected to see my cousin Chad dancing on a table. I danced a lot too, I must admit. I didn't expect to. I'm not that much of a dancer and neither is Zeb, but we danced and danced and had such a great time.

Have I mentioned that I'm happy? I'm really happy. And tomorrow morning, we leave on our little honeymoon to Pennsylvania. I'm excited about that too. It will be hard for me, but I'm going to not do anything and not think about anything remotely requiring any thought or productivity for the next three days. It'll be nice.

Thursday, July 3, 2008


I need to be asleep because I have been up since 2am this time and today has been long and hectic and tomorrow sounds to only be more so. However, I felt it would be a good idea to get a blog entry in now, mentioning all the meetupy goodness, before that event gets eclipsed by the wedding and I never end up writing about it. But speaking of the wedding...I just have to mention again how very excited I am. Am I nervous? Not a bit. Well, no, that's not really true. But I'm not at all nervous about getting married. Nervous about standing in front of 150 people, yes. Nervous about giving a speech...yes. Nervous about starting a new life with Jerry? Not a bit. And I'm happy. I'm so deliriously happy. Although, I'm tired and wish people would stop trying to schedule every hour of my time and it's making me snappish at times, but I'm still happy.


Last weekend was the event of all playground events...the SE Meetup. It was a blast. There were so many people there that it was just crazy, I think we topped 40. Zeb and I had the good fortune of having two of our favorite board members (Shadow and Midnight Son) fly into Baltimore to drive down with us. Which was great. I loved the chance to get to know them and they were both a ton of fun. Shadow has managed to vault himself up into my top tier of playgrounders that I know in person. I mean, I love all the playgrounders I've met, but there are a few that you just kinda click with. And I'm fairly certain he must have clicked with Zeb too. After all, he doesn't just kiss anyone. =P

Zeb and I stayed with Hippie and Mountain Faerie, which was just great. I'm so glad we got to spend more time with them this year, cause they're just wonderful people. I was actually really impressed by the level of organization that the locals put into this and all the effort they put into making it what it was. There's rumor that next year we're going to try to rent a camp, which would be awesome.

Of course, my diet flew out the window while I was there, especially Saturday, when there was drinking. Not that I regret that, cause we all had a great time and I knew I wasn't going to stick to it on the trip...I tried though, kinda.

There was much fun gaming to be had. I had a whopping 11 curses going on me at one time, pure insanity. And everyone LOVED hex hex. It's become one of the 'games to get' for meetup goers.

I felt much better about myself and my ability to interact with people this year. Last year, I was still kinda shy around everybody and held back a lot. This year, however, I noticed that I was talking a lot more and taking charge and explaining games and rules and making that's a big step.

Stacy and Tracey brought their puppy along to the meet. I wanted to take him home soooooooooo much, unfortunately they didn't want to trade for Athena. (Not that I blame them).

But yes, there were far too many people there to list and talk about them all. There were a lot I got to see again and that was nice and there were a few new people that I hadn't met before, all of whom turned out to be fantastically fun. I was actually impressed at how few people I had to meet. I had met something like 32 of the 40 before. But conclusion...much awesomeness was had by all.

And now I must head to sleep and recuperate before I am awakened early to attend to all things weddingy and also to nurse my poor sick troll in hopes that he will be able to fight off the disease that is currently trying to claim him before the wedding. Poor darling.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008


I did something very stupid today. I went and got all of my hair chopped off. Now, normally I love me with short hair, but I really hate how it looks right now, and right before the wedding and everything. I have never cried over a haircut before, I mean, come on, it's just hair, it grows back. But I came home this afternoon and just cried and cried. I woke Zeb up and then he couldn't get back to sleep for a long time and only ended up getting 4 hours of sleep today. I felt bad. I hope that in a couple days I will decide that I like it. We'll see. I don't know why I do silly things like that. I mean, I should have known that it wouldn't look good. But then, I hated my hair the way it was too, so I guess it doesn't really matter. I think maybe I'm not to get my hair cut in Glen Burnie, cause I've yet to get a good haircut here.

I've started glancing through jobs again, although I really need to devote more time and effort to that again. All the ones I found today (only 3, I didn't really spend long looking) are on the opposite side of DC and I really don't want to have to make that commute every day. I may have to though. I should be able to find one in Baltimore though. We'll see.

I'm really excited about the wedding....bad haircut aside. I can't believe in barely over a week I'll be married. It's happened so fast. But it's right. Nothing has ever felt this right. Zeb is the most wonderful guy I've ever known and I can't believe he's with me.

This weekend is going to be a blast too. We're headed down to JC for the annual SE meetup. While all meetups are great, this one has special meaning. This is the meetup at which Zeb and I met last year. It's also huge. I think there's something like 40 people coming...way crazy. For us the festivities basically start tomorrow, as we have a couple playgrounders flying in to drive down with us. Both of them (Shadow and Midnight Son) are playgrounders that I've not met yet, so I'm really excited to. Especially since they would both be rather high on my list of 'Playgrounders I would like to meet.' Speaking of...I suppose I should go straighten up...put sheets on the other guest bed, and all that jazz.

*wanders away*

Sunday, June 1, 2008


It has been very busy lately. Hmm...this sounds familiar. You'd think with school done, I'd be a bit less busy, but I don't think I am. Granted, school isn't exactly over. I still haven't turned in my final versions of my thesis and I have to revise my presentation for publication and my summer classes apparently.

I feel calm though. For the most part. I've been doing a lot of wedding prep. Have a list the length of my arm of things still to get done, but it's all coming together well. I do have to wonder though...what were Alison and I thinking? We have this plan to mosaic vases for candle holders for the centerpieces for the tables for both of our weddings. I've started. I've made 9. Of 60. These 9 have been of the smallest size too. They are time consuming and tedious, but beautiful. My flowers are all done. They're beautiful. Really, I think this wedding is going to be just perfect. Have I mentioned what dorks Jerry and I are? We're going to attack the gazebo and play kubb at the wedding. *laughs*

In other has rained every day since I have been in South Dakota. May broke the record for the wettest month in Rapid City in history. It was previously set in 1905. And the poor dogs. There is thunder all the time and they get so scared and so nervous.

I've gotten back into WoW with a vengeance. Man have I missed that game. It's fun and addicting and I have no time to play except from like midnight to 2 am, but am expected to be places with grandma at 8 because she's one of those insane morning people and it's wearying.

Mom and I are getting along well this trip, for the most part. We have our fights, as usual, but there seem to be less of them than usual. It's been nice. And it's nice having Aaron here. It was really cool that his break fell at the same time as I would be here. We're having fun together, but he's been sick.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008


Finally, at long last, I feel the stress of the year abating. I still have a to-do list as long as my arm. I still have several things to finish before graduation. I still have a wedding to finish planning. But at long last, I really feel like I can handle it all.

Our house has finally worked itself into becoming a home. Everything is looking nice and beautiful and in its place. And if we still have boxes to unpack and need another bookshelf or two, for the moment, everything not unpacked is stored away in closets awaiting a time later in the summer when I can get to them.

I bought a new printer today. It's very pretty and scans and was cheaper than I expected. I'm a bit sad that I had to buy a new printer though. I managed to drop mine while I was finishing moving and it pretty well shattered. On the bright side, this one doesn't make strange noises and the ink cartridge doesn't stall whenever I try to print, so I suppose its worthwhile that I got a new one anyway.

We had a meetup this weekend, which was quite fun. There wasn't quite the turn-out we'd hoped, especially from the locals, but those that were here had a fantastic time. Llama took quite a few pictures and a great video of us chasing Athena, trying to a kubb stick away from her. There were games and fun activities. We bought a couple new games for the occasion, Bang! and Hex Hex, both of which are exceedingly fun.

Athena's still getting into everything. We really want her to be a good dog, but I think we're going to have to admit that there's not much we can do other than locking her behind a gate in the basement while we're not home. It's not an ideal solution, but I think it'll have to do.

Thursday, May 1, 2008


Things are coming to an end. Classes are done. I'm finished with internship. I've still my thesis defense, but since I've turned it over to my committee members, there's nothing else to be done until after Tuesday. I've a couple presentation's to plan, some artwork to finish up, and a whole list of wedding things to complete, but as a whole the stress is abating. I feel like I can sit down and watch a movie once in awhile and not feel incredibly guilty about it. Now, on the other hand, I feel a very intense restlessness. I know there are things that I could be doing...should be doing, yet because there isn't that sense of immediacy to it, I don't feel like I have to be doing anything. So, I don't. Cause really, I don't want to be doing anything. On the other hand, I feel like I want to be doing something. I think it may be annoying Zeb cause I keep getting whiny that he's spending too much time on the boards when we could be doing something together. Heh...Imagine that....ME saying someone spends too much time on the boards. *laughs* These are the times when I would be playing the cool flower collecting game I started playing. Only I finished it and don't have another fun, distracting pastime. Maybe I ought pick up WoW again. Although, really, I know that I shouldn't.

What I should do is clean or work on a presentation or send my engagement announcement to the journal or start sending out invitations. I really do still have a lot to do. *sigh* I did clean a bit though. I'm getting the kitchen more into shape, and I folded all of the laundry. But there's still a lot to do. Especially with the meetup coming up. I can't wait for that. It's going to be so much fun. Even if Indy can't make it. *big sad face*

I just wish it were like....July and all of this were behind me.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008


.... is the number of items on my to-do list.

I don't know that I can do this. I don't know that I can exist for 3 more full weeks in the state of extreme stress that I am in. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel, but it's dim.

I've started delegating items. I'll put little j's next to things on the list that I think I can push off on Jerry. It's not many, but it's a little help. Although, then I just go and do those things anyway. *sigh*

Of course, I haven't the time to be writing this either. *heads back to revising her thesis*

Monday, April 14, 2008

Insanity an attempt to meet all of our obligations, we spent -a lot- of time driving this weekend. I drove up here on Thursday night because Jerry needed help unpacking things and getting things ready for when my parents come with all of the furniture, and also so that we wouldn't have to drive two cars back up on Saturday. Granted, we didn't put anything away Thursday night. I got here earlier than I intended and since I was sick and Jerry was sleeping, so I slept too, and then slept all night, which really, I needed.

Friday, we slept again and then went shopping and drove to Norfolk. The dress I got was very cute, kinda 1920's flapper feel, but long, if that makes sense at all. It had two layers, a black satin underneath and a woven, sorta crochet design over top, the top layer was longer than the bottom, which is what gave it the interesting look. We were almost late for the dance though because it took foooooooooooorever to make it down to Norfolk. Have I mentioned how much I deeeeeeeespise traffic?

The dance was actually fun! They did a terrible job on estimating alcohol and ran out of wine less than halfway through the dance. Now, I shouldn't be drinking wine, so I guess that was okay. But we all chatted and critiqued people's dance moves.

Saturday we went out to brunch with Jeremy and Alison and then went over to Ken's to give Nate and Mike birthday presents. The party was moved to Sunday, so we weren't able to go to that. Funny story with the presents though... Okay.... when we were moving me from Norfolk, we asked Mike to be the ring bearer for our wedding. Kim took it upon herself to confuse the issue and make him think he was going to be the flower girl and wear a frilly dress. He freaked out and was very upset and didn't want to be in the wedding. So, of course, we bought him a pink frilly dress for his birthday. The expression on his face was classic. I've never seen him look so angry. Of course we got him a real present too, but that was hiding out in the car.

Then we drove back up here, worked on figuring out the taxes, I wrote a paper, it was very bleh. But I found a lot of fun places we might go on our honeymoon. Thena actually wasn't that bad while we were gone. Of course, Sunday when we were gone, she chewed off the corner and half of the binding of a very expensive book that I even had really out of the way so she wouldn't get it. A school book...and out of print school book. Why does she like to eat books?! Grrrr!

Sunday we had D&D, which while fun, was exhausting cause I felt like crap. We're not going to be able to have it any more for the rest of the summer because everyone's (well...mine mostly) schedules are far too full, so we're just going to do the periodic boat day. That should be fun, I like being out on the boat.

We then came home and worked in the office for awhile. It looks really good. I'm glad, cause I was worried that the house would be a complete disaster when my parents got here. It's still bad, but we'll get it done. Not that I really have time to work on this, but eh..

I was supposed to come home tonight, but felt like complete crap, so called in sick to work. I feel a bit guilty because I've not a lot of time to make up the hours, but I'll figure it out.

This weekend was good though. I feel actually less stressed for once. I'm sure tomorrow it'll sink back in that I've two weeks to finish -everything-. Or maybe not tomorrow, maybe it'll sink in now. *worries again*

Sigh. I need sleep.

Thursday, April 10, 2008


Bleh. I feel like complete and utter crap today. I stayed home from class yesterday because I was sick. I realize today that yesterday I was just 'starting' to get, I am fully and completely sick. I wanted to be productive tonight too. I have a paper to write...two of them actually, and the house is such a mess.

I feel bad because I was completely crabby and bitchy to Jerry tonight, but I walked into the house and there was chewed up paper everywhere (yes...Athena does this daily...) And so much stuff on the couches you couldn't even sit there and it just made me want to cry. And I know it won't be nearly so bad once we get everything set up and have a place for things and don't just have boxes -everywhere-, but dang it...I don't want to have to clean and unpack anymore. I'm tired and sick and crabby and stressed and its making me miserable.

On the bright side, I'm going to go out and bye a new dress tomorrow. Because when I went to find one in my closet, I realized I have none. Now, that's not right, cause I know I have plenty of dresses. However, they've apparently never gotten unpacked. Which means...a. I've no idea where they are (here in the house, somewhere...) and b. If I did find them in the morning, they'll be a horrible wrinkled mess cause they've been in a box or suitcase since the beginning of March. dress. heh.

The reason that I even need a new dress is because we are going to a semi-formal dance in Norfolk tomorrow night. It's also Mikey and Nate's birthday, so we're going to be at a party there Saturday. But we have to be in Maryland Sunday, so that means lots of driving. Since I'm here now. So...I drove up today. We're driving down tomorrow, back Saturday and then I'll drive back again Sunday. Blech. Have I mentioned I hate driving?

Okay...apparently I need more sleep. My head is fuzzy and feels full of rocks. I hate being sick. And yes, mom....I did take my shake. Have been every day. So you just hush! =P

Thursday, April 3, 2008


I'm tired. I know, I say that a lot, but I really am. Every day I sit at my computer and will myself to keep my eyes open and get things done. I have to take a nap nearly every day. I didn't even get to sleep -that- late last night. *sigh*

I've gotten to the point where I'm dividing my to-do list into sections of 'school', 'wedding', and 'other'. The sheer number of things I have to remember to get done over the next month is staggering.

On the bright side, this weekend will be calmer than planned. We've arranged to board Athena for the weekend while Jerry is down here. I'm not allowed to have dogs in my apartment and we're more than capable of bringing her over to Ken's, but it's really so much easier not to have her here. When we bring her over to Ken's, it feels like we're spending the entire time keeping her off the couch or out of things, and feel guilty leaving her there for even a few hours while we go out with my friends. Not to mention that we'd have to stay at Ken's every night. Not that I mind Ken's. It's just....loud. And messy. And there's little kids that wake you up at 8am when you were up until 5, and if Athena's there with us, we can't just pack up and head back to my place to sleep more in the morning. It is fun at Ken's however. Plus I simply have way too much to get done to spend the weekend dealing with kids and dogs.

Oh, and have I mentioned how wonderful my parents are? My mom and grandma came out a couple weekends ago and we bought tons of things for the wedding, and picked out my dress, and grandma bought us the shiny dishwasher I mentioned earlier. It was really nice of her, although I feel terribly guilty about the amount of money she spent on me. I shouldn't, because I didn't ask her to, and I haven't any of my own, so it's kinda necessary, but I feel bad all the same. And a couple weeks before that my dad came out to help me pack. He packed my entire apartment in a day. A DAY. Yes. That man is really darned impressive.

Can I go take a nap now? *sigh* No, I know...I already took mine for today...but I wanna. *whines*

Wednesday, April 2, 2008


It's nearly 2am. Time that I ought be in bed, not posting over here....but here I am. *waves*

Today is a good day. Class was interesting and informative. I didn't do a whole lot this evening, and that was nice too....maybe I needed a break. I keep saying that, because I feel stressed...but wind up with far more break than 'work'. I really am going to kick in gear and tackle my 50 item to-do list later this week though, I swear.

The main reason that today was good, however, was because I have a presentation tomorrow. I can see you saying..."Wait....presentation....good?" But follow...there's logic here. I am a very timid and shy person. Many of you that know me only from online might be surprised to learn this, but it is true. I do not do well at speaking in front of people as a general rule. My voice is consistently 2 notches below an appropriate volume and I tend to get reeeeeeeally nervous when I give presentations. Tomorrow, Alison and I, have to lead class. This means talking for least an hour, and running an art experiential. I have no problems with this. Let me repeat. I have NO problems with this. I feel perfectly calm, perfectly ready and perfectly capable of doing this. I haven't written out a script. I don't have an extensive outline. Yet I have complete faith in my ability to lead the discussion, incite intelligent conversation, and ask appropriate questions. This my friends, is what we call PROGRESS.

In other news, I'm happy. Really happy. Haven't been this happy in well...a really long time. I feel like I am good at what I do and capable of being happy in this career for the rest of my life (once I find a job, that is....I hate looking for jobs...). I feel that I love this area (not this area exactly, Norfolk is meh, but Glen Burnie...and Maryland in general.) It's nice, pretty, our neighbors are friendly and I've met them. This may not seem like much, but since I left South Dakota I have never once known a single one of my neighbors. I have a dog, a pain in the ass demon spawn of a dog, but still a sweet loving dear of a thing. And most importantly, I have Jerry. I was struck over the weekend that for the first time in any of the relationships I've ever had (and there have been quite a few) I finally have someone that I view as a partner, that any problems, worries, successes we have are really going to be ours. Not mine....not his....but ours. It may sound like a little thing, or that there's not that much of a line between this and what I normally have in a relationship, but it's huge, and when I realized this on Saturday, it kind of floored me for a moment. *jots it down on the increasingly long list of reasons that I'm sure this is forever*

Hm...I should give this link to my mom sometime. She does whine about the fact that she can't use my blog to keep up on my life anymore. *adds to to-do list*

Monday, March 31, 2008


I have had a hard time posting this entry. I keep opening a new post and then sitting here with nothing to say. I'm tired. Very tired. Monday's do this to me. I just can't function on the amount of sleep that I get Sunday nights. Now, I realize that this is an indication that I should leave Maryland earlier and not get home at 3am on Sundays, and I've tried, I really have....but I can't seem to do it. I like being up there too much and want to get as much time there as possible.

Today was good....great even. A kid came into my office crying and unhappy and unwilling to do anything and by the end of a 20 minute session, he was smiling and laughing and much happier, not to mention willing to make art and discuss his snake creatures. I felt effective. It was nice.

I have a hard time thinking of titles for these. Much of the time they've nothing to do with what I'm talking about, so don't mind that.

I'm finally up to a whole 10 participants in my study, which is where I think I'm going to stop, because I don't have time to run any more sessions. We have internet and cable and phones at the house now and it makes us happy. Granted, that's 2 more services than I have at my current place, but man, not having internet is brutal. I have been realizing more and more lately how much I've missed having tv though.

I watched 6 episodes of make me a super model on Friday night. You know, for as dumb as I thought that show would be, it's actually pretty darn fantastic. Although, by the last episode I found myself fast-forwarding through the petty crap going on in the houses to get to the photoshoots and challenges, cause those are the interesting parts. It's actually down to 4 people that I feel deserve to be there. I mean, Shannon should be there too, because she is amazing and very good. But Ben has done a 180 and become fantastic in the last two episodes and Holly....oh Holly, I so hope she wins. That girl is something else. Perry of course is there, Mr. bigshot himself. And you have to admit he has a good look. And Ronnie, shock of shocks is still around. Which is nice, cause I like him....even if he is a bit to clean cut all american for high fashion and editorial work.

Okay...I'm going to sleep. Yep. 9;30 pm. Yep. That's really early. I might read a bit from my new book before I sleep though. Oh....speaking of that new book....guess what the lovely miss Athena did Saturday? She ate the first 70 pages of it. Now, admittedly...I was on page 221, so I'd already read them, but that's not the point. The point is that she ATE 70 PAGES OF A BOOK, plus a pen, and a catalog, and a piece of Styrofoam packing stuff, and part of my computer mouse. Yeah....we were annoyed. She didn't manage to cause herself any harm in the process though, so I guess that's good.

Friday, March 28, 2008


My back hurts. Yeah....I know.... I whine a lot. Oh, that reminds me...if I'm going to send out an email about another thesis session, I should do that now. *wanders off to do that*

Anyway... We have a dishwasher. It's new and shiny and portable (cause that was cheaper and easier than redoing all the cabinetry). But it's made the kitchen crappy, so we have to work on trying out different arrangements, cause right now it is just obnoxious to try to get into the fridge. Although maybe that would be a good thing, cause then we wouldn't get in it so much and we're sposed to be dieting. Meh, who am I kidding....all the snack foods are in the cupboards, so all this would really do is keep us from being able to access the milk and fruit.

I've come to the conclusion that cleaning a place that you aren't fully moved into is just a pain. I keep trying to pick up and put things away, but most of the stuff I pick up doesn't really have an 'away' yet, cause we haven't figured out where to put everything yet. We need to work on that. Maybe once we have more storage space. Although, it's not like we're hurting for storage space...we're just lazy and slow at unpacking. Although really, I guess that's not true either, because we've both been very busy and we have gotten quite a lot unpacked and put away.

We should really have a new house party...but meh...I would want pictures on the wall first, and that's a lot of work. Wow...I have really become lazy in my old age.

I swear that the purpose of this thing is not entirely to whine. I do have intentions of doing nice happy productive things with it too. We'll see.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008


Today sucks. Now...there's no real reason for today to suck. Nothing particularly horrible has occurred. I got my interview comments back, I did well, got a 96. In symbolism we watched a very amusing art history movie of which I've seen all of the pieces discussed. Lunch was tasty and inexpensive. Sarah brought cookies for Maggie's birthday and they were yummy. I made intelligent comments in Ethics class. It was beautiful outside. I'm not feeling exceptionally stressed and I have nothing exactly 'due' tomorrow, so it was really okay that I did nothing. sucks anyway. And I can't explain why. I'm just.....annoyed. At Everything.

Let's make a list, shall we?

Things that are annoying me today...

1. Not having a chair. - Okay, this is actually a kind of big one, because yesterday I spent hours sitting at the computer working on that silly paper and now today my back is killing me whenever I sit at it. Suffice it to say, an air mattress is not a good computer chair.

2. Applying for jobs. - It is stupid and redundant for companies to make me fill out every piece of information that is on my resume, and then have me attach my resume as well. Also...none of them will call me back because I don't have my license yet, and I can't get my license until I have work experience. It's a vicious cycle.

3. Not having my engagement ring. - The stupid resizer person screwed it up and we had to send it back....again.

4. Having to drive up to Maryland this weekend. - I want to be in Maryland, I like being in Maryland. I just hate to drive there.

5. I ate pizza for dinner. - This is annoying me because I am on a diet. Clearly I completely sucked at that today, what with the cookies.....AND pizza.

6. I have no motivation or willpower and am exhausted.

7. My apartment doesn't clean itself.

8. Mordokai and Curly posted scary crap and now I'm freaked out.

9. Jerry wasn't able to sleep today.

10. I can't find anything...ever.

11. I have a research participant who was supposed to have a follow up session Monday. He didn't show up. We were supposed to meet yesterday. He never got back to me. We were supposed to meet today. He never got back to me. I swear if he doesn't show up tomorrow I'm taking him off the study. That'd be great, a study based on med students without a single medical student participant. *sigh*

12. Nearly half the class didn't show up for ethics this afternoon. It pissed Kay off.

Sigh, okay, I guess that's enough.

Maybe if I sleep I'll feel better in the morning. I just want to be done and settled and through with all this limbo crap.


Do you ever get to that point where you have so many things on your mind and so much to do and so much to think about that you just shut down? That you find yourself not caring if you have finished any of the reading for the next day or spending close to 12 hours on a 3-5 page paper because you can't bring yourself to do it? That's me today, this week, this month. It's not like this time last year, where I didn't do anything because I was completely depressed and unhappy. No, this is just good old-fashioned being overwhelmed.

I'm getting married. Did you know that? Probably, because I can't imagine you reading this if you didn't. But suffice it to say that that is where a good chunk of this stress is emanating from. The average couple is engaged for 16-20 months before they actually tie the knot. Jerry and I have been engaged for about a month, our wedding is just more than 3 months away. Now, it really isn't -that- difficult to plan a wedding.....except that ours is taking place across the country, so arranging things there has been a bit of a chore. And it's my last semester in grad school, so I'm crazy stressed already. Of course, I have no desire to work on papers when I could be picking out napkins or goblets, but...there you go.

It's actually all coming together pretty well. My family has taken on a good chunk of the responsibility, so that's been nice. I'm tired though, and not 'it's quarter of 2, I should be in bed' tired....just wishing my life were started tired.

We've gotten a house and a dog. The house is great, although it has its quirks. The pipes are obnoxious and there's no outlets anywhere, but we're working on that. The dog is a total sweetheart, but the biggest pain in the ass I've ever known. I'm glad I'm not there every day, because from the stories I hear, I don't know that I'd refrain from strangling her as well as Jerry is. She's a cutie though. A basset hound...who loves us...far too much. She cries and howls and whines and bays and makes a mess of things whenever we leave her even for a few minutes. It's very sad....and annoying the neighbors.

My regular blog has been gone for some time, so I'll repopulate it here. I miss blogging actually. I saw an article the other day...let me see if I can find it. Bleh. No idea. I've no idea how I can never find anything when there's not even that much stuff left in my apartment. Anyway, it was a neat little article talking about how blogging and posting on the internet improves mood, self esteem and socialization. And really, it makes perfect sense. I mean, I've done all this research on how journaling decreases stress and anxiety and can improve mood and what is blogging, but just online journaling.

I'm going to make an effort to add things of interest in here that I'm learning as well. Today has been focused on the symbolic meaning of the door and I've learned a lot of rather interesting things. Like did you know that it's said that if you are an author and you dream about someone else going through a door, it means that you're worried about people continuing to read your works? The ancient idea that the threshold of a home is sacred is actually pretty interesting as well. Men used to sacrifice animals on the threshold of their home before they took possession of it. This was seen as entering a blood covenant with the god of that threshold, who would now be responsible for protecting the people living within it. If someone was invited across the threshold, it became the man's duty to protect that person. It was also found that thieves feared the wrath of the threshold god and would seek ways to enter that didn't involve passing through the doorway. And the romans felt the threshold was so sacred that when they marked the areas where walls would be built with the furrow from a plow, they carried the plow over the area where they planned to put the gate so that they wouldn't disturb the sacred ground. I've been looking at a lot of religious and mythological iconography related to this area as well over the past few days and must say that Janus is a fascinating god and it makes me sad to think that his name has come to be synonymous with deceitful or hypocritical when he was a benevolent and protecting deity. You're bored already aren't you?

Anyway, it's 2am, so I'm going to head to sleep. I didn't keep up that regularly with my previous blog....let's see if I do a bit better with this one.